bleed

khai2 @ 2007-02-07T19:48:00

2007-02-07T11:53:34Z

its been very long since i last wrote on my lj. suddenly, i feel like writing something.

life as a retainee was harder than i have expected. although this is the second time im doing this, it feels like as though i have never done it before. every single day i wake up i kept thinking it was saturday and i didnt have to go school.

and when im in school, i feel like im a dead man walking around school trying so hard to figure out my purpose being there.

why say that im controlling your life when i dont even have control over my own?

sometimes you may just overlook the fact that ur busy achieving and fixing your broken heart..
while im here trying to reach you. trying.

after all this time

2006-07-23T05:47:27Z

I was young but I wasn't naive
I watched helpless as he turned around to leave
and still I have the pain I have to carry
a past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried

after all this time
I never thought we'd be here
never thought we'd be here
when my love for you was blind
but I couldn't make you see it
couldn't make you see it
that I loved you more than you'll ever know
a part of me died when I let you go

I would fall asleep
only in hopes of dreaming
that everything would be like is was before
but nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting
they disappear as reality is crashing to the floor

after all this time
I never thought we'd be here
never thought we'd be here
when my love for you was blind
but I couldn't make you see it
couldn't make you see it
that I loved you more than you'll ever know
a part of me died when I let you go

after all this time
would you ever wanna leave it
maybe you could not believe it
that my love for you was blind
but I couldn't make you see it
couldn't make you see it
that I loved you more than you will ever know
a part of me died when I let you go
and I loved you more than you'll ever know
a part of me dies when I let you go

khai2 @ 2006-03-03T08:33:00

2006-03-03T00:33:51Z

Name : MUHAMMAD KHAIRUL B AZMI

1. The results of your application are as follows:

Posted Institution : TEMASEK JUNIOR COLLEGE

Course Name : TEMASEK JUNIOR COLLEGE (SCIENCE)

Course Code : 32S

khai2 @ 2006-02-28T22:03:00

2006-02-28T14:03:33Z

Kiss me out of the bearded barley
Nightly, beside the green, green grass
Swing, swing, swing the spinning step
You wear those shoes and I will wear that dress.

Oh, kiss me beneath the milky twilight
Lead me out on the moonlit floor
Lift your open hand
Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance
Silver moon's sparkling
So kiss me

Kiss me down by the broken tree house
Swing me upon its hanging tire
Bring, bring, bring your flowered hat
We'll take the trail marked on your father's map

khai2 @ 2006-02-23T20:06:00

2006-02-23T12:09:48Z

todayy was fuunn ! although i got a little shy but it was fun !(:

and btw i kissed my civics rep's black ass during pe while playing a game and my lips bled hahaha . or maybe its more oh him sticking his ass right into my face hahaa .

khai2 @ 2006-02-22T19:29:00

2006-02-22T11:33:17Z

todaaaay was fuuun ((: went out with sayang and it was really great. we ate eclairs and sat down slept at the sky garden and laughsmilelaugh poke each other all filled with love. nadhirah rocks my world. happy anniversary baby (:

And sandhyajaafer happy anniversary to u guys. lovelove.

khai2 @ 2006-02-21T16:16:00

2006-02-21T08:22:36Z

today was sweeet and fun. i got hershey's kisses chocolates! thankyou thankyou ((: it really cheered me up alot. all the smile and time talking to me just to fill up my emptiness and effort you did. especially when i need dozens of supply of it. and we had a class lunch get-together today. it was really nice. summore near my house.

u walked away when i needed you the most. all you had to do is to make me happyloveshappy. and i had to find you even after so. u are just letting someone else a step closer behind you.

there is this zouk party thing coming up this 16/03/2006. and im gonna be like 18 soon before that party aka my birthday coming coming real soon.
what im afraid is that i cant keep up with you ((:

oasis gig is coming up this thursday on the 23/02/2006. One of my favourite bands. boo.

kings of convenience held at esplanade will be on 16/03/2006. tickets are sold at 30 bucks. its an acoustic gigg actually. check it out.

WEST SIDE STORY. an act u wont wana miss too. held on one of the april dates.

I'd rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else

I'd rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself

I'd rather have hard times together, than to have it easy apart

I'd rather have the one who holds my heart

khai2 @ 2006-02-20T16:55:00

2006-02-20T09:11:32Z

today i decided not to go school (again!) and ended up shopping! wheeEe hahaha. and yes i banged into sandhya whom was shopping tooo with her classmates! And yes she ended up influencing me going to acjc.. i kinda got a little influenced there somehow. just a little je.

i feel glad not going school today. cos i found out and still finding solutions to my problem that has been dragging for quite a while. i was literally kicked and it somehow knocked some sense into my head. i need to train myself to be physically stronger and fitter. i need to be more confident in facing problmes. yes. i need to be very positive in everything i do.i cant always bottle up my emotions and sulk to death. above all this, what i need is love. Someone to listen to what i have to say and forget what i said a second later. i felt warm after pouring out what i feel and go through.

today, someone made me feel alive again.

thankyou for not giving up on me.

im one step closer to light. =)

OOH btw esplanade has great halal food around i wana try one day.haha. didnt know all this restaurants existed until today.

khai2 @ 2006-02-19T22:41:00

2006-02-19T14:40:20Z

just when i thought you were beside me, i looked again and found myself alone against the world outside.

its a damn cold night.
trying to figure out this life.
wun u take me by the hands.
take me somewhere new.
duno who u are.
but im with you.

khai2 @ 2006-02-18T23:35:00

2006-02-18T15:36:32Z

saying i love you... its all that i need to hear from you.

khai2 @ 2006-02-16T21:00:00

2006-02-16T13:01:07Z

and suddenly i feel lonely all over again.

khai2 @ 2006-02-03T16:00:00

2006-02-03T08:01:07Z

I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
I'm just out to find
The better part of me

I'm more than a bird
I'm more than a plane
More than some pretty face
beside a train

It's not easy to be me

Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home I'll never see

It may sound absurd
but don't be naive-
Even Heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed
but won't you concede?
Even Heroes have the right to dream

It's not easy to be me

Up, up and away away from me
It's all right
You can all sleep sound tonight
I'm not crazy or anything

I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
Men weren't meant to ride
With clouds between their knees

I'm only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me

It's not easy to be me.

khai2 @ 2006-01-30T23:46:00

2006-01-30T15:46:08Z

night life at changi village =)

khai2 @ 2006-01-30T10:04:00

2006-01-30T02:03:41Z

being home is the bitchiest thing to do rite now.

khai2 @ 2006-01-29T14:04:00

2006-01-29T06:12:13Z

Ke mana harus ku luahkan? perasaanku padamu
Yang selama ini ku pendamkan? di dalam diamku
Sukarnya ku berterus terang? tentang perasaan ini
Bimbang seandainya tak kau terima
Musnahlah harapanku ini
Bagaimana harus aku mengahadapi? semua itu
Sedangkan ku menyintaimu sepenuh hati
Tak mudah untukku melupakan dirimu
Kau bagiku segala-galanya

Pada yang Maha Kuasa ku panjatkan doa
Moga dibukakan pintu hatimu
Kan ku buktikan kejujuran cintaku
Jangan biar keraguan menghantui jiwamu
Dalam ku meniti semua kepastian
Dari bibirmu? oh kasih

Kasih dan sayang? cinta dan rindu
Tersemat di jiwaku
Usah biar ku kecewa membalut luka
Agar kau mengerti yang selama ini
Aku menyintaimu

khai2 @ 2006-01-29T09:59:00

2006-01-29T02:03:32Z

last nite was a killer. i was wearing my jacket, wrapped over with my comforter all nite long and yet was feeling cold. woke up three times just to visit the washroom. vomitted twice. my stomach feels like a washing machine now. the medicine sucks. the pain is hell painful.

so you people out there that wanna pluck out 4 wisdom teeth at one time, take me for an example first. the pain is a killer i swear.

khai2 @ 2006-01-28T14:24:00

2006-01-28T06:25:32Z

im in pain. im bored. and nobody understands how to read between the lines. its so cold here and all i have is my jacket. whenever im alone i kept thinking bout the past. the same feeling of loneliness i felt. all the hurt comes up again. it was amazing seeing how i was fooled and kicked around at the most critical part of my life. there was a friend that i pushed away when that person was never at fault.

maybe i should go out and find life.

i wonder where do i belong.

khai2 @ 2006-01-25T21:59:00

2006-01-25T14:26:29Z

this entry is solely dedicated to a very special woman in my life by the name of.......

nadhirah wahid saini :)

despite being very tired due to the monday blues, she was very optimistic and anxious to spent time with me over belgium ice blended, peppermint ice blended and tiramisu which she fell so deeply in love and demanded a whole cake of it for her birthday. thankyou baby. there isnt anybody else i wanna be with on such romantic occasions.

on tuesday i couldnt meet her cos i had training. felt bad for that. cos i miss he lotslotslots.

and today,

i opened my eyes and saw here sitting right next to my bed. even though she was supposedly to have a shot film project, she was so stubborn of wanting to abandon the project just to be there for me throughout my entire time bedridden in the hospital. eventually the project was postponed to cny period there. AND AND she came over my house to have a mass dinner together. sadly i was eating mashed potato nadd made for me. so sweet. my mum likes her alot. but i love her more. teeheehee. i felt bad she had to go home late.. im so sorry sayang.

you know, it isnt everyday u meet someone whom is willing to sacrifice her responsibilities and enjoyment just to be there for her love one. not every girl has the decency to go the distance for the ones she love and placing the man above her very self. its not everyday you meet a girl that loves the man more than she can ever love herself.

i met the girl.
i met nadhirah wahid saini.

khai2 @ 2006-01-23T23:20:00

2006-01-23T15:20:10Z

today nadd has made me realise that i havent been the khai she used to know 19months ago. and maybe its time for me to find my way back. thank you baby lovelove.

khai2 @ 2006-01-17T15:40:00

2006-01-17T07:48:58Z

wish me luck for my surgery.

khai2 @ 2006-01-15T09:32:00

2006-01-15T01:32:08Z

best friends whaha

check out the girl in black :)))

just bored in class thankyous

khai2 @ 2006-01-14T19:43:00

2006-01-14T11:44:07Z

why do i feel lonely facing the world that is crumbling right in front of my face

khai2 @ 2006-01-10T20:08:00

2006-01-10T12:09:07Z

my life is in a mess.

i will try to fix you.

khai2 @ 2006-01-08T12:03:00

2006-01-08T04:14:06Z

Izinkan diri ku meluahkan rasa
Maafkanlah aku andai kau terasa
Biar ku paparkan apa yang terjadi
Moga engkau tak ulangi

Sungguh tak ku sangka kau berpaling tadah
Setelah lamanya menjalinkan cinta
Dalam diam-diam kau sudah berpunya
Tanpa aku menyedari semuanya

Aku mendoakan agar kau bahagia
Bersama si dia insan yang kau suka
Percintaan kita tak sampai ke mana
Setakat di bibir saja sayang

Kau bina mahligai dari air mata
Yang jatuh berderai di wajah sepi ku
Hancurnya hatiku bisa tak terkata
Terhumban rasa diri ku

Oh aduhai ku masih ingati
Janji manis dan saat romantis
Kau pinta ku supaya setia
Akhirnya kau yang berubah

Oh Tuhan ku tabahkan hati ku
Temukan ku dengan ketenangan
Jiwa ini dibelasah rindu tetapi apa daya ku

Ku cuba pejam mata tapi tak terlena
Kerana ku masih teringat pada mu
Begitu payahnya nak ku melupakan
Pernahkah engkau fikirkan oh sayang

khai2 @ 2006-01-03T19:14:00

2006-01-03T11:22:40Z

oookay first day in mjc isnt that bad. i was kinda posted to castor5 whahaha! sounds like maroon5! though i couldnt remember all of my og mates' names, one thing i do know is they like to sabo me. all thanks to faisal, liu kang, sang, and some other guys. there are 8 guys and 10 girls. our orientation group leader is LARRY. larry hairy suck my cherry. wahhahaa. he claims himself that he is a spanish. so me and faisal went, "well, we are french." so i went saying this to larry. we played whacko and i was the biggest sabotager in the game. that was how all the og pple know my name. whahahaha.

and we had choir auditions! everybody was happy when they got rejected! sadly i took the longest for the auditions. they were like giving me so many different tones and pitches haiyomaiyo. but i purposely went off pitch cos i dun want them to haunt me. there was dis guy named andrew. so i said sth to him before he entered the auditions room... "endrew. ur our star idol." and yes, he got through. whahaha. he was crying cos he passed the auditions. hello! dun want to be a choir member, sing off tune!

tomorrow's gona be a long day. having a cSi meridian thing. hope its fun.