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February 7th, 2007
07:48 pm
its been very long since i last wrote on my lj. suddenly, i feel like writing something.
life as a retainee was harder than i have expected. although this is the second time im doing this, it feels like as though i have never done it before. every single day i wake up i kept thinking it was saturday and i didnt have to go school.
and when im in school, i feel like im a dead man walking around school trying so hard to figure out my purpose being there.
why say that im controlling your life when i dont even have control over my own?
sometimes you may just overlook the fact that ur busy achieving and fixing your broken heart..
while im here trying to reach you. trying.
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July 23rd, 2006
01:44 pm - after all this time
I was young but I wasn't naive
I watched helpless as he turned around to leave
and still I have the pain I have to carry
a past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried
after all this time
I never thought we'd be here
never thought we'd be here
when my love for you was blind
but I couldn't make you see it
couldn't make you see it
that I loved you more than you'll ever know
a part of me died when I let you go
I would fall asleep
only in hopes of dreaming
that everything would be like is was before
but nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting
they disappear as reality is crashing to the floor
after all this time
I never thought we'd be here
never thought we'd be here
when my love for you was blind
but I couldn't make you see it
couldn't make you see it
that I loved you more than you'll ever know
a part of me died when I let you go
after all this time
would you ever wanna leave it
maybe you could not believe it
that my love for you was blind
but I couldn't make you see it
couldn't make you see it
that I loved you more than you will ever know
a part of me died when I let you go
and I loved you more than you'll ever know
a part of me dies when I let you go
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March 3rd, 2006
08:33 am
Name : MUHAMMAD KHAIRUL B AZMI
1. The results of your application are as follows:
Posted Institution : TEMASEK JUNIOR COLLEGE
Course Name : TEMASEK JUNIOR COLLEGE (SCIENCE)
Course Code : 32S
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February 28th, 2006
10:03 pm
Kiss me out of the bearded barley
Nightly, beside the green, green grass
Swing, swing, swing the spinning step
You wear those shoes and I will wear that dress.
Oh, kiss me beneath the milky twilight
Lead me out on the moonlit floor
Lift your open hand
Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance
Silver moon's sparkling
So kiss me
Kiss me down by the broken tree house
Swing me upon its hanging tire
Bring, bring, bring your flowered hat
We'll take the trail marked on your father's map
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February 23rd, 2006
08:06 pm
todayy was fuunn ! although i got a little shy but it was fun !(:
and btw i kissed my civics rep's black ass during pe while playing a game and my lips bled hahaha . or maybe its more oh him sticking his ass right into my face hahaa .
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February 22nd, 2006
07:29 pm
todaaaay was fuuun ((: went out with sayang and it was really great. we ate eclairs and sat down slept at the sky garden and laughsmilelaugh poke each other all filled with love. nadhirah rocks my world. happy anniversary baby (:
And sandhyajaafer happy anniversary to u guys. lovelove.
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February 21st, 2006
04:16 pm
today was sweeet and fun. i got hershey's kisses chocolates! thankyou thankyou ((: it really cheered me up alot. all the smile and time talking to me just to fill up my emptiness and effort you did. especially when i need dozens of supply of it. and we had a class lunch get-together today. it was really nice. summore near my house.
u walked away when i needed you the most. all you had to do is to make me happyloveshappy. and i had to find you even after so. u are just letting someone else a step closer behind you.
there is this zouk party thing coming up this 16/03/2006. and im gonna be like 18 soon before that party aka my birthday coming coming real soon.
what im afraid is that i cant keep up with you ((:
oasis gig is coming up this thursday on the 23/02/2006. One of my favourite bands. boo.
kings of convenience held at esplanade will be on 16/03/2006. tickets are sold at 30 bucks. its an acoustic gigg actually. check it out.
WEST SIDE STORY. an act u wont wana miss too. held on one of the april dates.
I'd rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else
I'd rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself
I'd rather have hard times together, than to have it easy apart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart
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February 20th, 2006
04:55 pm
today i decided not to go school (again!) and ended up shopping! wheeEe hahaha. and yes i banged into sandhya whom was shopping tooo with her classmates! And yes she ended up influencing me going to acjc.. i kinda got a little influenced there somehow. just a little je.
i feel glad not going school today. cos i found out and still finding solutions to my problem that has been dragging for quite a while. i was literally kicked and it somehow knocked some sense into my head. i need to train myself to be physically stronger and fitter. i need to be more confident in facing problmes. yes. i need to be very positive in everything i do.i cant always bottle up my emotions and sulk to death. above all this, what i need is love. Someone to listen to what i have to say and forget what i said a second later. i felt warm after pouring out what i feel and go through.
today, someone made me feel alive again.
thankyou for not giving up on me.
im one step closer to light. =)
OOH btw esplanade has great halal food around i wana try one day.haha. didnt know all this restaurants existed until today.
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February 19th, 2006
10:41 pm
just when i thought you were beside me, i looked again and found myself alone against the world outside.
its a damn cold night.
trying to figure out this life.
wun u take me by the hands.
take me somewhere new.
duno who u are.
but im with you.
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February 18th, 2006
11:35 pm
saying i love you... its all that i need to hear from you.
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February 16th, 2006
09:00 pm
and suddenly i feel lonely all over again.
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February 3rd, 2006
04:00 pm
I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
I'm just out to find
The better part of me
I'm more than a bird
I'm more than a plane
More than some pretty face
beside a train
It's not easy to be me
Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home I'll never see
It may sound absurd
but don't be naive-
Even Heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed
but won't you concede?
Even Heroes have the right to dream
It's not easy to be me
Up, up and away away from me
It's all right
You can all sleep sound tonight
I'm not crazy or anything
I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
Men weren't meant to ride
With clouds between their knees
I'm only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me
It's not easy to be me.
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January 30th, 2006
11:46 pm
night life at changi village =)
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10:04 am
being home is the bitchiest thing to do rite now.
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January 29th, 2006
02:04 pm
Ke mana harus ku luahkan? perasaanku padamu
Yang selama ini ku pendamkan? di dalam diamku
Sukarnya ku berterus terang? tentang perasaan ini
Bimbang seandainya tak kau terima
Musnahlah harapanku ini
Bagaimana harus aku mengahadapi? semua itu
Sedangkan ku menyintaimu sepenuh hati
Tak mudah untukku melupakan dirimu
Kau bagiku segala-galanya
Pada yang Maha Kuasa ku panjatkan doa
Moga dibukakan pintu hatimu
Kan ku buktikan kejujuran cintaku
Jangan biar keraguan menghantui jiwamu
Dalam ku meniti semua kepastian
Dari bibirmu? oh kasih
Kasih dan sayang? cinta dan rindu
Tersemat di jiwaku
Usah biar ku kecewa membalut luka
Agar kau mengerti yang selama ini
Aku menyintaimu
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09:59 am
last nite was a killer. i was wearing my jacket, wrapped over with my comforter all nite long and yet was feeling cold. woke up three times just to visit the washroom. vomitted twice. my stomach feels like a washing machine now. the medicine sucks. the pain is hell painful.
so you people out there that wanna pluck out 4 wisdom teeth at one time, take me for an example first. the pain is a killer i swear.
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January 28th, 2006
02:24 pm
im in pain. im bored. and nobody understands how to read between the lines. its so cold here and all i have is my jacket. whenever im alone i kept thinking bout the past. the same feeling of loneliness i felt. all the hurt comes up again. it was amazing seeing how i was fooled and kicked around at the most critical part of my life. there was a friend that i pushed away when that person was never at fault.
maybe i should go out and find life.
i wonder where do i belong.
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January 25th, 2006
09:59 pm
this entry is solely dedicated to a very special woman in my life by the name of.......
nadhirah wahid saini :)
despite being very tired due to the monday blues, she was very optimistic and anxious to spent time with me over belgium ice blended, peppermint ice blended and tiramisu which she fell so deeply in love and demanded a whole cake of it for her birthday. thankyou baby. there isnt anybody else i wanna be with on such romantic occasions.
on tuesday i couldnt meet her cos i had training. felt bad for that. cos i miss he lotslotslots.
and today,
i opened my eyes and saw here sitting right next to my bed. even though she was supposedly to have a shot film project, she was so stubborn of wanting to abandon the project just to be there for me throughout my entire time bedridden in the hospital. eventually the project was postponed to cny period there. AND AND she came over my house to have a mass dinner together. sadly i was eating mashed potato nadd made for me. so sweet. my mum likes her alot. but i love her more. teeheehee. i felt bad she had to go home late.. im so sorry sayang.
you know, it isnt everyday u meet someone whom is willing to sacrifice her responsibilities and enjoyment just to be there for her love one. not every girl has the decency to go the distance for the ones she love and placing the man above her very self. its not everyday you meet a girl that loves the man more than she can ever love herself.
i met the girl.
i met nadhirah wahid saini.
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January 23rd, 2006
11:20 pm
today nadd has made me realise that i havent been the khai she used to know 19months ago. and maybe its time for me to find my way back. thank you baby lovelove.
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January 17th, 2006
03:40 pm
wish me luck for my surgery.
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